Another Christmas has come and gone, and as most people who know me are fully aware…Christmas is my favorite holiday. We had our best season yet!
I can’t believe that I am now 6 1/2 years post double lung transplant! Never did I imagine this. I always found myself saying that I want to just live long enough “for the boys to understand and process things”. Then, I always say “until the next baseball season”, or “until junior high”, or “until next Christmas”, etc. I am beginning to realize that I will never feel fully ready for that day to come. I found myself the other day daydreaming about who my boys would choose to marry and what it would be like to be there. I have written letters to their future wives already knowing that chances are, I won’t be here for that. But I want to!!!! I want to see those lucky ladies. I want to be a part of those special days. But…who knows. I don’t know what God has in store for me, but I will just keep pecking away and see where He takes me. I don’t even think about life expectancies as much as I used to anymore.
In June of last year, the doctors told me that I have a type of rejection going on called Antibody Mediated Rejection (AMR). This is where my B cells produce antibodies that attack the donor lungs. The plan was to do 6 months of intravenously administered medications in Iowa City to stop antibody production and then retest in December. Unfortunately, upon retesting in December we realized that it didn’t work. But my numbers were not worst than when I started treatments. They just stayed the same. So, now I am continuing my treatments in Iowa City until further notice, possibly forever.
The other issue I am dealing with right now is my auto-immune disease. This one is rough at times. Unfortunately, I never know when my flare ups will come on or how long they will last. These flare ups of my auto-immune disease sometimes happen a few times a month, sometimes every other month. No rhyme or reason there at all. Christmas Eve night I had one of my worst ones ever. I had fevers, chills, excruciating pain shooting all over my side and chest, and there was nothing I could do to make it go away. It lasted about a week and a half. There are no treatments for this. It just is what it is. To make matters worst there, when I am in that type of pain, I always find myself having anxiety attacks, feeling like I am going to die and like I am in the hospital again with no hope to survive. Panic attacks are terrifying and feel so real. I have a new understanding and compassion for people who deal with those things on a regular basis. I try talking myself down, and not much makes them go away besides just praying and waiting for them to end.
Outside of those things is just trying to stay away from sick people! I have been trying really hard not to go in public often. Staying away from public situations. My immune system is very compromised because of all of my immunosuppressant medications. With Influenza A and B out there and all of the other viruses, I stay home as much as I can and try to avoid all of it! I wear a mask when I do go out and don’t touch anything! 🙂 I have noticed that people avoid me like the plague. They think I am the sick one! Haha.
I will continue to try to stay healthy and will count my blessings every day. I never get tired of this life and still appreciate every single day as it comes. Jay is still the best husband in the world. He is better than any man I have ever seen in any chick flick I have ever watched! 🙂 And my boys are now 9 and 12, and they are excelling in school and sports and making me a very proud mom each day. I still live every day with a thankfulness in my heart that I don’t believe I ever would have had if I hadn’t gone through all that I have. God has been so good to me.